The story lines that have engulfed the Los Angeles Lakers in the last week hit a crescendo Wednesday when Kobe Bryant said he would welcome a trade…Asked if he had any preference for a trade destination, [Bryant] said "At this point I'll go play on Pluto." 

Though the dwarf planet has never boasted a professional sports franchise, Plutonic officials have confirmed that the celestial body composed of frozen rock has expressed interest in the Seattle Supersonics and Sacramento Kings.  One concern NBA officials have is the level of carbon monoxide in Pluto’s atmosphere.  G. William Billy Hunter, chief of the NBA’s player union, also cited travel concerns if Pluto were to be granted a franchise.  The Voyager probes, which launched in 1977, took 20 years to travel from Cape Canaveral, Florida to Pluto.  The average NBA career extends between three and five years.   Pluto has developed only one NBA player since its discovery in 1930 – Los Angeles Clippers point guard Sam Cassell. 

If Bryant were to play on Pluto, he would reportedly demand a no-trade clause preventing the team from sending him to any but the four gas giants, a group of planets that includes Saturn, Neptune, Jupiter, and Uranus. Plutonic general manager, asdf*oiasdfneg, was not available for comment.

ADDENDUM -- Plausible trades that work monetarily:

Philadelphia: Andre Miller and Samuel Dalembert for Kobe Bryant

Boston: Paul Pierce, Gerald Green, and an unconditional #1 draft pick for Kobe Bryant

Atlanta: Bryant for Marvin Williams, Josh Smith, Speedy Claxton, and Josh Childress

Dallas: Bryant for Dirk Nowitzki and Devin Harris

Golden State: Bryant for Monte Ellis, Jason Richardson, and Al Harrington

Indiana: Bryant for Jermaine O’Neal and Danny Granger

Miami [for shits ‘n’ giggles]: Dorell Wright, Udonis Haslam, and Jason Williams [expiring], and an unconditional #1 draft pick

New York: It’s worth noting here that given the length and general absurdity of their onerous contracts, there is no reasonable trade that any non-batshit crazy GM would make. 

San Antonio: Bryant for Manu Ginobili, Bruce Bowen [expiring and useful], and Francisco Elson [expiring; comes with six fouls per game]

Seattle: Bryant for Ray Allen, 2008 unconditional #1 pick, and 2009 unconditional #1 pick

Washington: Bryant for Gilbert Arenas, Antonio Daniels, and an unconditional #1 draft pick.